So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
