i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
