Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
