I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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