i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
