He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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