Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
