Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
