Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
