eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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