Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh god the rape fog is back!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
