It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
