you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
