when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
