I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
