if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
