i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
