we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
