How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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