Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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