One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
