I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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