I look better un-naked...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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