You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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