Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
