Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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