So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
