I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
