You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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