just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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