Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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