he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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