If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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