he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
