I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
