If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
