why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
