i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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