I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
