It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
