once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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