She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize