You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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