my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
