So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
