If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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