Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
