Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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