dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
