glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
