i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
