update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
