I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
