Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
