I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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