Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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