He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So many bounce houses so little time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
