i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
