mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
