You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
