There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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